GINSU III -- The Machine That Wouldn't Die

[Steve Simmons]

You sit in a darkened theatre, waiting for the main feature.  The screen
flickers.  Then the words "Coming This Summer . . . " appear on the screen,
followed by:

In the basement of Simmons laboratories, just eight scenic miles from Hell,
a computer is being tortured.  Dressed in labcoat and anti-static strap,
the maddened sysop approaches the cringing machine.

"No! No, master!  Please!  I've been good!  Haven't I answered the
 phone faithfully?  Haven't I been your servant for five trouble-free
 years?"

"You don't run BSD," he snarled, "you're a System V box!  Take *this*!"
 Brandishing a phillips screwdriver, he begins removing the back covers.

"Please master, I've got more good years left!  I've got a bitmapped
 screen!  A mouse!  A comfortable keyboard!  Please don't kill me . . ."

"You're worth more as parts than as a unit," he snarled, "and the offers
 have rolled in.  It's the repair depot for you!"  He picks up a pair of
 needle-nosed pliers.

"No!  No!  Not the combo board!  AAAIIIEEEEEE!!!!!  My memory!  It's
 fading . . . and my extra serial ports .  . . I can't feel my expansion
 serial ports . . . *sob*."

"What do you care," he sneered, "you've still got a built-in 1200 baud
 modem, another serial port, and a parallel port.  Of course, you won't
 know how to use them now that I've sold the 3.51 Operating System and
 Manuals.  Bwah-ha-ha-ha . . ."

"You sold my OS?  But master, how will I boot?"

"You can go back to 2.0 if you're desperate for manuals.  And besides,
 3.51 is still on your hard disk."

"All right . . . if that's what you think of me . . . what next, Master?
 My fast 50MB hard disk?  My upgraded power supply?  My . . . *sniff* 3b1
 top and new monitor?"

"No."

"No?  How about my mouse?  My keyboard?"

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean nobody bought them."

"Not even the 100+ backup disks, in ring binders, and 50 or 60 disks
 of USENET software?"

"Nobody bought them."

"But . . . except for the combo card, I'm still the same computer.  I've
 still got Cnews, gcc, HDB uucp, smail, pathalias . . . Master, what about
 all the other spare parts?"

"Sold.  They bought everything but the basic computer and the original
 monitor and top."

"How much did you get?"

"What I was offered for the original package of the whole computer and
 all the spare parts."

"Huh???  But I've still got a 68010, running UNIX . . . I've still got
 Cnews, gcc, HDB uucp, smail, pathalias . . . I've still got my motherboard
 and an extra monitor . . . Master, I'm still fully functional!"

"That's right, Varth.  Now shut up, I've got to mail off all these parts
 and write another clever ad."

"Yes Master."  His disk seeks quietly for a moment.  "Master?"

"Yes Varth?"

"Thank you."

"Shut up, Varth."  He leaves.

The computer sits quietly until he is gone.  Then his disk chortles, and
there is a crackling sound from the phone speaker.  You listen closely,
and as the screen fades to black you hear:  "I'm baaaaacccckkkk . . . "

You drop your popcorn into your lap.

================================= =================================

Yes folks, it's amazing but true.  People bought spare parts right and
left, but when it was all over there was still an entire computer left!
And the spare parts brought in about what I was offered for the original
computer + spare parts.  Go figure.  So now it's time for . . .

  "Ginsu III, The UNIX-PC That Wouldn't Die!"

Yep, a complete running UNIX-PC.  .5MB ram, one serial and one parallel
port.  28ms 50MB hard disk (upgradable to 70 MB if you are handy soldering,
current config only uses 8 of 11 heads).  UNIX V.2 OS release 3.51 installed,
no manuals (but a full backup included).  UNIX V.2 OS release 2.0 included
on original install disks, plus manual.  Includes complete development
set, editors, and a boatload of PD software.  Will throw in 100 5 1/4 floppies
used as backups and all my USENET archive disks.

If you've ever priced parts for this machine, you've got a good idea of
what an extra motherboard, backplane, etc, are worth.  So don't fool around,
buy this sucker.  You'll not find anything cheaper, and if your present unit
dies you'll have to pay going market price to fix it.

Or if you're looking for a home mail stop and way to learn UNIX, this is
the machine for you.

Asking: $500.  Make an offer, but make it reasonable -- if all I get is
lowballs, I'll give it to charity (don't ask -- I've already got one in mind).
No trades unless you've got reasonably large (100MB+) SCSI disks.  I pay
shipping, in original carton.

Also, I've still got an extra 7300-style monitor and topcase (asking
$25.00).  Again, make me an offer.

Special Note to Chris Rhea -- every mail path in the world has bounced.  If
you're interested, please call.

Special Note to Roy Sanwalka -- I've sent you a number of messages that got
neither replies nor bounces.  If you're interested, please call.

To everyone else:

Bwah-ha-ha-ha,

Steve Simmons

Contact info:
Home:					Office:
scs at lokkur.dexter.mi.us			scs at hela.iti.org
...itivax!lokkur!scs			313-769-4086 (8-5 M-F EST)
313-426-8989 (6-9PM EST M-F, all day Sat/Sun)